What to do when your inner rebel sabotages your self-care efforts.

 
I had to laugh at myself- it is just so funny. Once again I had decided to get serious about losing that extra 20 lbs, and started paying more attention to what I am eating and actually getting out to do some exercise and I step on the scale and the numbers are going up instead of down! It is like there is some part of me that is saying “Oh no you don’t!”

Yes this is a about creative work. Bear with me.

That inner rebel is there for so many of us when we decide that now is the time to take our art making more seriously- to really make the time for it- to focus on doing that creative dream.

You decide that you are going to devote one hour a day- first thing- to your studio time, and you find yourself doing last night’s dishes instead, or just not being able to get out of bed. Or deciding that really you would rather start your exercise routine in the morning.
​
And then all the inner critics come pouring in- saying things like, ”you are not a real artist”, “a real artist would be driven to the studio, unable to keep yourself from the studio- you are just a wanna be- you don’t have what it takes!’

Oh my god it is painful!

The thing is that both art making and losing those extra pounds are about taking care of yourself. And the question of why it is so difficult to take the time and energy to do this is one of the questions I have been asking for a very long time.​ 
​
As personal as it feels- it is also very common- especially among people who dedicate their lives to serving others or making positive change in the world.

This is what I am finding and one way to aproach the healing:

---

​
There are parts of ourselves that are afraid- afraid to be seen- afraid to take up the space. And those parts are throwing up blocks as fast as they can to keep you from taking this next step.

When you take the time to be with the fear- to not shy away from it or try to fix it, but really sit with it and taste it and feel its texture and get all the way inside it, there is a ton to learn. Life lessons that are deeply significant.

The exciting thing is that losing weight or getting your creative work moving or honestly any other thing that you try to do and find yourself blocked by is a great window into whatever it is that you are needing to learn on this life journey.

So when you notice that you are beating yourself up with self-talk like, “you have no discipline!”, “you are not a real artist!”, “you don’t have what it takes!” step back and notice that there is something deeper going on here. Let go of the words and let yourself feel it in your body and in your emotions. And then let your sensory imagination have it- what does it look like? What is the texture? Color? Quality? Smell? This is the beginning of getting to know it.

Then pull it out of your body and hold it in your hands. This is the beginning of knowing that it is not you, it is part of you, but it is not who you are, it is only a stuff that has been residing there. Then ask yourself what to do with it today- honor it- as gross as it might be- it has been helpful to you in some way and it is important stuff of this earth. How can you respectfully let it go?

This is one of many different guided visualizations that I explore with clients and it is rich and complex and different for every one.

If you  want to try it on your own:
Start by making a safe space for yourself. Make it a time that you will not be interrupted, do something to make the space sacred, and make sure that you have a journal near at hand so that after your visualization you can write about it. Then do some breathing with your eyes closed and invite your visualization. Remember that you always have choice- if it begins to feel like too much, you can always find a way to contain and pull out. This is an essential piece of the safety you create for yourself. The writing at the end is another piece of the safety- it is your conscious mind coming to the foreground again after letting your creative unconscious play. We live in a world where the conscious mind needs to be in charge, so make sure that you end your time with a sense of reconnecting to the concrete world and your logical being.

If you do explore this visualization I would love to hear how it goes for you! Also if you have other ways that you deal with the deeper fears, I would love to hear them!

If you would like to explore the possibility of working with me to move past a block in your creative dreams or your weight loss desires, or really any other issue that is about self-care that you find your inner rebel resisting, I would love to talk with you. Sign up for the free initial conversation and lets see if it feels like we would work well together.

Schedule a Free Initial Consultation