I had to laugh at myself- it is just so funny. Once again I had decided to get serious about losing that extra 20 lbs, and started paying more attention to what I am eating and actually getting out to do some exercise and I step on the scale and the numbers are going up instead of down! It is like there is some part of me that is saying “Oh no you don’t!”

Yes this is a about creative work. Bear with me.

That inner rebel is there for so many of us when we decide that now is the time to take our art making more seriously- to really make the time for it- to focus on doing that creative dream.

You decide that you are going to devote one hour a day- first thing- to your studio time, and you find yourself doing last night’s dishes instead, or just not being able to get out of bed. Or deciding that really you would rather start your exercise routine in the morning.
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And then all the inner critics come pouring in- saying things like, ”you are not a real artist”, “a real artist would be driven to the studio, unable to keep yourself from the studio- you are just a wanna be- you don’t have what it takes!’

Oh my god it is painful!

The thing is that both art making and losing those extra pounds are about taking care of yourself. And the question of why it is so difficult to take the time and energy to do this is one of the questions I have been asking for a very long time.​ 
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As personal as it feels- it is also very common- especially among people who dedicate their lives to serving others or making positive change in the world.

This is what I am finding and one way to aproach the healing:

Ahh the holiday is over and my joints are creaky and achy again! This is not too surprising- I have not been able to avoid the candy dish and there is desert after every dinner. And wow the wonderful pancakes, bagels, homemade rolls, waffles, and cookies not to mention the extra coffee inserted in an effort to peel myself out of the over-eating stupor. Yup sugar, flour and caffeine are definitely taking a toll on my body again. The good news is that after trying to cut back on them  for the months before the holiday and finding that indeed my joints were feeling better, I now have even stronger proof that those are the culprits. Ok and I admit that the lack of long walks might be a contributing factor as well.

So what to do? I could start harassing myself about it- and wake up my inner rebel who appears any time I give myself restrictions or rules. Does this sound familiar: My inner military officer commands, “no more sweet luscious delights- must get back in shape! Serious backsliding! Look at that scale- look at yourself- you are never going to fit any of your cloths again if you keep doing this.” And then my inner rebel says, “Get lost you hard-nosed bully – you can’t talk to me this way! I will eat what I want, I deserve the treats! I work hard- I am a mom, and I have a lot of responsibility- I need to have a little something just for me- a little pleasure in life!”

I don’t know about you, but as soon as I begin a diet concept, and I have tried a few, I immediately have to eat more and worse. Some part of me cannot stand the feelings of restriction and control.