Befriending the inner critic- 5 simple steps to lift the weight of judgement

I dropped "Persephone's Dream: A Prayer for Peace" off at Parkhill Orchard the other day. What a pleasure! Russell met me and gave me a golf cart tour of the place, (including drive by berry sampling- Yumm! I'm going to the market today to get some of those berries!), and showed me where all the sites where new pieces are going to be installed- including my own. And then we looked at the stones he had to mount her on. She is going to look great. The picture here is trying out one of the the stones, but not in its real location.

I have an admission to make. I have a history of having a fear of galleries- a fear of approaching them- like they are the big bad wolf for artists.

I tell you this in the off chance that you know someone who has had a similar fear. Because it has become abundantly clear to me, with experiences like meeting Russell,  that my fear was ill founded, and maybe yours, or your friend's is too.

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That fear of the big bad wolf gallery owner, curator, collector, has to do with your inner critic. 

Artists  often have a very strong inner critic- which can be a very good thing. It helps you develop your craft, your vision and your concept. I know it sucks when it gets too harsh, but it does not let you get comfortable in mediocrity, blandness or mindless repetition.

If it is working well and you have a good relationship with it, it is just that part of you that is not satisfied until it sees something really exciting coming forward. You get to have a dialogue between curiosity and judgment: "what happens if I try this?" and "yes, that is so cool"- or "not that".

It is a dance that flows and builds until you have discovered something really new and exciting.

If your relationship with your inner critic is out of balance, which is very common and not a sign of being screwed up in any way, it can start saying more hurtful things- like instead of "that idea is not working yet," it becomes, "that idea is stupid and so are you." Which quickly becomes, "you are not a real artist," and a litany of other similar harsh things.

So this is the thing, if your inner critic is out of balance, if it has been whispering nasty harsh things in your ears for a while, then of course it is going to seem scary to bring your stuff to a gallery. They might agree with the harsh inner meany! 

Ok I am going to say the obvious- the gallery or curator or collector is not out to hurt you with those nasty judgments. They are just looking for work that fits with their vision. If your work fits, great, and if it does not, it does not mean that you are not an artist- it means that it does not fit with their vision. Period. It's simply not the right fit. 

So, if it feels scary to put your creations out into the world, your job is to get into a good working relationship with your inner critic. There are many ways to do this and it does take time- there is no silver bullet. That said, these are a few steps to work with.

1. Notice. Just make note of what the harsh comments are. You can do this right now by asking yourself when it feels bad, what is being said? Write it down. All of the harsh judgments that you can muster. And also make note of the physical/emotional/energetic feeling when these things are being said. Don't gloss it over- really let yourself know what it feels like to have those things going around in your mind.

2. Take a deep breath and step out of that feeling. Fill yourself up with love and safety. Notice that you can shift in and out of that emotional state at will. It is not who you are, it is something that you have access to feeling when you choose to. And there is part of you that is choosing to because it is trying to get your attention.

3. Acknowledge the statements and feelings with gratitude. I know this sound strange, but do not try to squash or throw out this part of you- it will only come back with a vengeance! That part of you is trying to help keep you safe from external judgment and if you don't pay attention it will feel like it needs to be louder and harsher to get your attention. Be kind and grateful to it for the hard work this part of you has done in this regard. It helps to talk to your inner critic as a separate person who needs your love, like a child with a fear. Write a love note of gratitude. Let the inner critic know that you are listening and taking their concerns seriously. And that you are the adult in the room and that you are taking the reins back- they do not have to be in the driver's seat because you will keep everyone safe. 

4. Translate the harsh judgments into hopes and desires. For example "no one cares about your work" can become "I want to make things that make a difference in another person's life." "You are not a real artist," can become,"I love the artist in me, and she is only one of many parts of me". Trust your impulse on this- you do not have to get it perfectly right. You might even just let the list of harsh statements sit to the side and come up with a separate list of hope and desires for your creative work. Go ahead and be bold about it. 

5. Breath and notice the shift in how you feel.  Take that feeling in- bathe yourself in it. You might feel more generous, curious, open for example. Make an affirmation for yourself to bring with you when you get ready to apply for something, or look for a gallery, or prepare to meet your audience at a show. You can say I am going to do ________ and I am going to bring a sense of curiosity or generosity or whatever the feeling is that you want to tap into. This will help the inner critic feel safe and your adult self to be in charge.

This series of steps can be modified for any number of issues. For example, I just found myself grumpy while trying to work in the studio. I have been struggling to get in there- and let me tell you there are a lot of nasty voices that chime in when that is going on!  When I finally turned to the discomfort, and listened to the annoyed inner voice that was digging its heals into the ground like a petulant child not wanting to go to were ever you are trying to drag her,  it went from "this sucks, you are not a real artist, you never do anything new, you are boring," to "I have a really cool idea that I want to do!" It was trying to tell me to stop forcing myself to make work that is similar to the old work just because it is safe. And it is right! I feel so much lighter and ready to go!! 

I am very curious how this lands with you, whether you are an artist or not. Please write a comment with your reaction. And as always, if you know anyone who it might be helpful for, please send it along!
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