Creative overwhelm and feeling like a fraud; and a way to find your flow again

​I just got back from the woods. It is a misty soft morning and there were drips of left over rain on all the tiny new born leaves and branches. Stunning!

It is spring and I have been dealing with a ton of ideas popping inside me- images of things I want to create. It is very fun. So much potential and bubbly energy!

I love it..... until it starts to feel painful.

The pain comes in the form of overwhelm, indecision, pressure, should's, impatience, and then moves into frustration, impotence, lack of energy, being stuck, and finally into a feeling of being a fraud, not really being an artist, being worthless, etc.

YIKES!

Does this sound familiar?

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The pain comes because the creative energy is bottled up and not coming to fruition. There is no manifestation. And the longer it goes on not having an outlet, the more painful it gets. 

If it goes on and on it can lead to depression and a sense that you never did and don't currently have ideas. You don't have access to them because they are all shriveled up and frozen. 

And what if you have a strong sense of wanting to do something important and valuable and worthwhile and good and respectable? You want to do your part on the positive side of the cultural equation?

Yup, all good goals- but totally unhelpful if you are at all stuck. They just make you feel worse.

It is hard to trust yourself to take the first step.

I was just talking to a client yesterday about how I learned to trick myself into flow.

I have used this trick a million times because I very often get stuck behind too many ideas and too long without making. I have learned to trust that there is something there even if I can't figure it out consciously. There is something that is ready to come forward.

I know there is because the disquiet that I feel, which can have so many nasty voices, is really just the pressure building up from inside. Compressed by fear and massive expectations.

So the trick is to lean into tiny moments of delight.

​With easiest possible techniques, make doodles. For me that means getting some clay or wax in my hand and start playing with form- make something goofy- like a critter. For you it might be hum a tune that you are making up, or play with words on paper, or close your eyes and dance. 

It is about lubricating the pleasure of making, and thereby ease the pressure.

It is letting yourself in by the side door. Let it be a casual visit, not too long and certainly no dressing up for the occasion. Just welcome your artist self in with a glass of water and let her sit at the kitchen table and fiddle. As she starts feeling safe again things will start to grow- and pretty soon she will be helping you the stove, cooking up a storm and inviting all her friends. 

What I mean is that it is in the doing that the creative process works- not in the thinking about it. So just get some material in her hands and look away, pretend you don't care and it's nothing big. When she starts to giggle, you are on your way. Don't make a big fuss, but give her a cookie and delight with her, and encourage her to come back tomorrow.

Ok- so it has taken a few days to get this out and I went for another walk this morning. I had to tell you about the image.

I was in the deep woods, which soon will be dense with full grown leaves- such that I will not be able to see the distance. But this morning I could see the far hills and the sun had just come up over the horizon and it was pouring through all the tiny little fresh leaves. It was like looking through a mist of emeralds. 

I hope you are getting out and noticing all the miracles of new growth! And if anyone happened to catch that particular idea in a photo, I'm betting I'm not the only one who saw something like this- send it to me and I will put it in the next email!

Warmly,
Val